I am second

I've had this post drafted for quite a while but until recently could neither think of a title nor gather my thoughts in an organized way.  No guarantees, but things at least started to come together this past Sunday as we continued the I am Second sermon series at our church (which you can check out here if interested).  "I am Second" is a good description of how I've come to understand my role both at work and life in general.  Becoming a father quickly led me to the realization that my purpose on this earth is much more than collecting a paycheck and having some fun, and also that there's no way I can handle all of the responsibility I've been blessed with on my own.

About this time last year I was asked to step into a role at work that tripled the size of my group and was previously held by someone with significantly more experience.  Although clearly way in over my head, my DIY nature tried to handle things solo which led to much stress,  ruffled feathers etc and I quickly realized I was stretched beyond my capabilities. About the time those feelings came to a head, I was struck (not so coincidentally) by Phil 4:6-7:

"Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"

Since that moment, this verse has been a constant source of comfort and reminds me that I needed to rely on God for peace, something that has been very much needed as I've navigated replacing 3 engineers, 6 re-orgs (that's not a typo), trained 3 managers, and am in the throws of bringing up a team 10ish time zones away.  Looking back over the past year, I've gotten pretty darn good at org charts, onboarding, and passdown meetings but most important of all I've realized that I can do nothing on my own (which I'm reminded of from time to time when my pride gets the best of me), whether it be in the workplace, at home, or anywhere else I happen to be.

More important than the provision to handle the position I was put into, God has revealed to me that I'm here for a reason and my prayers lately reflect the lyrics of the song recently popularized by JJ Weeks: "Let them see You In me, Let them hear You When I speak."  My hope is that God will speak through me on a daily basis, whether it be through interactions with others, how I conduct myself in difficult situations, or anything else that may come up during the course of a workday.  Also, while the first few months on the job were pretty rough I hope that they set a baseline such that those I work with have seen a change in me that can be part of my testimony. It's a constant struggle full of ups and downs but one that has strengthened my faith and solidified the fact that "I can do anything through him who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13).

I'll leave you with lyrics from what's been the theme song (and my jam) of the past year of my life and happens to be performed by the artist who's I am Second testimony I linked above:

It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going to lose my soul